Yeah, um…how random is this? At a recent audition, I saw Kulap V, a funny Asian chick that I acted with on the ‘Benihana Christmas’ episode of ‘The Office.’ We had a lot of fun on set during the taping of that episode and we both talked about the inevitable question that the both of us are asked constantly, “Are you the unmarked or marked Benihana Waitress?”

I think we should go back to Dunder Mifflin.

When I first moved to LA, my friend and I drove down the Sunset Strip and all I could think was..I am far away from the land of greasy cheesesteaks, Rita’s water ice, and people that pronounce water as ‘wuh-dah’. Fast forward a few years, many crappy jobs and fruitless auditions later, and here I am, performing stand up comedy at the Belly Room at the Comedy Store. And I was scared for sure. Not the typical kind of fear though…its a fear of, “Wait, am I really doing this?” “Am I crazy?” “Why did I not become a brain surgeon/lawyer/doctor?” Answer: I suck at math/science.
So, I did my set and added a couple of new jokes, and more importantly, I got up there and just got comfortable being me. Onstage. I have no idea why its a lot easier for me to perform for random strangers onstage, than it is for me to mingle at parties. I. am. weird.

I think I’m related to these two. Somehow somewhere in Scotland there is a Scottish Korean girl who looks just like me. She raps exclusively in Scottish…

Yea boi!!!!(Sorry Laurenne, just stole your line from the 90′s.)

We met. We wrote. We laughed. We made lots of jokes. Good ones. Bad ones. Really bad ones. Funny ones. We know more about each other’s issues than our closest friends and family members. Love these guys. And GERRY KATZMAN…you are amazing!
Just me and Robbie K..doing a little Godzira

The gals…Laurenne Sala of HUMANS ARE FUNNY and the hilarious Carly Murphy

JAE…is that YOU?! We’re the only Asians. Ya heard?
Our pimp class. Jann, Robbie K, J “Asian fetish” Norton, Gerry, Ian Kelk, Jae Yoo, Laurenne!

Kerri B…hilarious spitfire. Just kidding. Don’t kill me Kerri!
We’re trying to be Asian.

For the past 3.5 months, I’ve been in a stand up class taught by the very witty and amazing Gerry Katzman. Its a writing workshop stand up comedy class where we take the funny, painful, bad, strange, weird, and odd aspects and stories of our lives and learn how to make them into premises and act-outs. And our showcase is next week. Freaking A! Is it weird that I’m more comfortable onstage than in social settings? Probably.

And here’s a clip from my favorite stand up comedian ever. Chris Rock. This bit about ‘rap music’ is so true. I think I’m one of those girls who he’s referring to that do not care what the lyrics are. FROM THE WINDOWS TO THE WALL… Sue me

Yes, when us Korean gals eat pizza, this is what we do.

As an Asian-American female, you have to keep your guard up when it comes to dating because you don’t know if guys are dating you because they’re into martial arts or they think you look like that girl from [Insert latest Jet Li/Jackie Chan movie].

So, if you aren’t one of those weirdos with an Asian fetish, and you just think that girl with long black hair and almond-shaped eyes is just a cool person, here are some tips about dating Asian girls:

10. If you meet a cute Asian chick at a bar or club, don’t use the following words or related words; ninja, martial arts, karate, Karate Kid 1, 2, 3, Jean Claude Van Damn movies, kung fu, Anything with dragons or crouching tigers. She might throw her drink at you.

9. Don’t assume that we can’t speak English. We may be faking an accent to escape from the old, potbellied man in the corner who has traveled far and wide to “The Orient.” I’ve done this on occasion and it’s a fabulous tool to evade weirdos.

8. No, I’m not Lucy Liu or Margaret Cho. Definitely not Tila Tequila.

7. Don’t ask us whether we’re submissive or dominant. You’ll find out soon enough.

6. Going back to #10, most of us don’t know martial arts, though we respect it. Kung fu is cool, but that is relegated for old Bruce Lee/Jackie Chan/Jet Li movies. We don’t all know kung fu moves, so don’t bust out some sort of weird karate kick and assume that it will turn us on. Because it won’t. Instead, we’ll probably ask you if you have some sort of reflex issue and perhaps you should go see a chiropractor.

5. If you do date an Asian chick and attend a family function where you’re the only non-Asian, have courtesy and try the cuisine or try to be engaged. You might feel out of place (Welcome to our world), but if you put forth an effort, your girl will thank you in more ways than one.

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When I was growing up, I’d always hear the following..”You’re funny…funny looking.” Which was true. I was definitely funny looking and depending on who you ask, I probably still am. Anyway, I’ve been going through this therapy session called stand up comedy class for the past two months and all this crap has been unearthed inside me. You know…all the sad stuff, the pain, the repression, all the stuff that the world tells us to keep inside because no one actually cares about you and your problems.

Well, a friend of mine and fellow classmate, the uber-talented Laurenne of HUMANS ARE FUNNY, wrote a poignant post about her Dad and coming to terms with her past and her relationship with him. It made me realize how all of us are still searching for the answers, how to come to terms with the past pain of family issues, relationship issues, money struggles, being alone, feeling like you’re not of value.

I grew up for most of my life being super repressed and “doing the right thing,” meaning doing what my parents, my teachers, society, and all the mean girls of my high school told me to be. I never fit into the “Abercrombie and Fitch” mold of my Philly suburb high school and at the same time, didn’t fit into the groups of the “Korean kids who only hang out with Korean kids.” Instead of liking the parts of myself that were unique, strange, different and cool, I would try to be as vanilla as possible just to fit in. Which I never did.

But comedy is sort of changing that for me. It was weird actually…I told a good friend of mine that I was doing this and he said to me,

“You’re gonna suck. Crickets, Kat. No one will laugh and you will suck.”

Do you see why I have to keep all my endeavors under wraps? LOL. Trust me, I don’t see myself becoming the next Chris Rock or anything. All I know is that being in comedy class is helping me find this voice that I never thought I had. I mean, you can take all the pain, all the shit that made you cry and hate yourself and figure out how to turn it around into comedy.

If I could go back into time and talk to my teenage self, I’d tell that awkward, pimply-faced girl who couldn’t get a date, had a stuttering problem and always kept her head down, that life gets better. I’d tell her that there will always be people who try to take advantage of your kindness, people that try to bring you down, people that hate you because you’re doing something they’re not…but you know what? You don’t have to let them win. You don’t have a give a crap what these people think. In fact, there is a whole world of kick-ass people out there, positive people who want to help you out. People who want to be good to you.

My whole life I wished I could be someone else. Now, I’m sort of starting to be cool with who I am. Took long enough. Ya heard?

Ah, swimsuit season is just around the corner. Yes guys, this means that you will be able to gawk at all the girls wearing bikinis on the beach, but it also means that you will need to get out of those hoodies and into a pair of swim trunks. (Hopefully not Speedos. Those tend to only look good on Michael Phelps)

So you might be spending more time at the gym, flexing those muscles, and working out your quads. Well, did you ever want to know what women think about you when you’re busting a move?

What’s Up With the Grunts?- I usually go to the gym to zone out, but sometimes when doing weights, I find myself next to an enormously muscled man who lifts humongous weights while grunting so loudly that I can hear him through my ipod buds. His veins also look as though they might pop out of his chest, and I seriously fear for his life. The thing is, he keeps grunting. REALLY LOUDLY. I understand that its heavy, but why don’t you try weights that are slightly smaller? GRUNT.

Wow. Guys Sweat a Lot. – Sweating is good. It’s the body’s natural cooling system, and it means that you’re working out hard and hopefully getting the benefit of some good ol’ exercise. But sometimes us gals will find ourselves next to a guy who sweats about 3 buckets and doesn’t bring a towel to wipe off the machine. Ew. Gross.

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